Many of us on this journey of healing may have at one point asked ourselves who we really are at our true core essence. Or maybe we've come to realize that we have shaped a large portion of our lives around the needs, feelings, dreams and desires of others rather than our own. Perhaps the realization is simply that we need more self love or to take better care of ourselves and set healthier boundaries. What do all of these explorations have in common? They all relate to the journey of coming home to the SELF.
When we are born, a spark of Light enters into a body to embark upon this human experience - both the body and this light are deeply connected to a Divine Intelligence, which is the Source of All Life. This light is strong, powerful and bright. Over time as we move through life and go through challenging experiences, this light might be dimmed and there are energies that start to crystallize inside of us. These are imprints can be colored by our family of origin, ancestry, the culture we grew up in, along with all the systems (educational, religious, medical, political etc) that we've been exposed to. As our responses to traumas begin to take shape inside of us, they can highly influence the ways we think, how we feel (or don't feel), and our perspective of ourselves, others and the world around us. Layer by layer we take on different conditioned ways of being, programming and belief systems that greatly affect how we navigate our journey through the different stages of life.
Some of those influences may be positive, helpful and informative while others end up resulting in more maladaptive or protective adaptations. We didn't necessarily have a choice in what was installed or imprinted in our earlier, more formative years because children simply aren't able to filter things out or protect themselves against harmful influences. So we continue to carry them with us into adulthood, but they often remain hidden in the subconscious.
What all those parts build up around is the SELF. Through my work, I have come to see the S.E.L.F. as the "Superconscious Evolutionary Life Force" that is our inner guiding light. It is the true, core essence that remains when all the falsehoods, illusions, distortions, lies, stories and untruths are stripped away and you are left with your bare authentic SELF. This is the part of you that is genuinely kind, compassionate, caring, nurturing, capable, wise, resilient, patient and unconditionally loving. It is the spark of the Divine within you, that gives you life and feeds your vitality.
When you feel into where this CENTRAL SELF energy lives in your body, you might experience it sitting deep in your belly, or perhaps in your heart. Or maybe it glows within and all around you like an aura. Personally, I find that it is very connected to the solar plexus/core which is what houses our Agni (in Ayurveda, this is the term that describes the inner fire that drives our body's metabolic, digestive and purification processes on a physical and spiritual level). But what is the role of the SELF and why is it so important?
When doing integrative somatic parts work with clients, I will often focus on reconnecting the individual to their SELF energy because that is what is going to restore order and harmony within their living system of internal parts. Whenever we experience trauma, we become disconnected from the SELF and begin to develop many different parts that attempt to take charge of the inner system in order to hold onto some semblance of safety, protection, guidance, and love. This of course, is actually the responsibility of the SELF; however, without the SELF fully present and embodied, these parts are just doing the best they can to manage. It is only with the SELF sitting in its rightful place in the center of one's being that one can see things clearly and move through life feeling grounded and centered.
Healing happens when the SELF is brought back online and the parts learn to trust the SELF to restore order. Suddenly amidst the inner chaos, there is now more stillness, silence and flow as the SELF takes time to get know and heal each of the parts - listening and attuning to their needs and feelings. The SELF is the inner leader, parent, and wise guardian that provides ongoing guidance, support, love and comfort to the entire system of parts.
So how does one reconnect to the SELF? This is a process of unwinding that takes place in the psyche and soma over time. Working with the body and engaging in therapeutic modalities like integrative somatic parts work helps to address all the many layers of pain and conditioning we are carrying. I find that incorporating shamanic principles and practices is also necessary because we may also be carrying energies that do not actually belong to us and contribute to our pain and suffering. Needless to say, there are many nuances and complexities involved in doing this work and I am endlessly amazed by the sense freedom, lightness and clarity people experience when they reclaim their identity within the SELF and heal the parts that have been wounded and hidden within the subconscious.
What I have also come to understand is that self love isn't something we need more of, it's what we are. The SELF = Love. If you are seeking self love, reconnecting to your body and the SELF is the first step. For when you do, you are plugging back into the Source of all Life, Light and Creation. The SELF is your true nature, your inner healer and the timeless essence that is the taproot of all the deepest and highest knowing within you. To embody the SELF is to reveal the inner brilliance that is YOU.