Although one might not immediately think of the inner child when diving into shadow work, communing with this aspect of ourselves is actually a major part of doing deep inner healing. As we go searching within the lost treasure troves of the soul, we may find that we get in touch with some deeply suppressed memories and blocked emotions. This may not sound like something we would want to willfully engage in because it involves having to face some very uncomfortable emotions from our past and the origins of our pain. However, the reason this is such an integral part of healing, is that this process is also what reconnects us to our sense of openness, original innocence, beauty and wonder.
Our shadows start to arise during our formative years so learning to connect with our inner child and early experiences is a key skill in freeing us from the effects of shadow. Anyone who has spent time with or witnessed children growing up knows that they are like sponges. They absorb all the beautiful things around them, but also the not so beautiful things. If they grow up in an environment that is toxic, abusive or unloving in any way, it is likely that this will be imprinted upon them and as children, they have little control over the matter. So essentially, the inner child is like a repository for all the conditioning that one was exposed to at a young age and therefore it is simply not always going to be all love and light. At some point or another, we were all subject to injustices and hurts growing up and having this realization (especially about the people whom we may currently feel hurt by) can expand our sense of love, empathy and compassion for ourselves and others.
So why is doing this type of healing so important for us as adults? Well, there are an infinite number of ways that the inner child can show up in us in our daily lives. Learning to identify when it is being triggered can allow us to bring the light of awareness to those situations and act in more mindful ways. When we find ourselves being very reactive, shutting down, freezing, going into people pleasing mode, having a difficult time saying 'no' or simply throwing a tantrum, we can be pretty sure that the inner child has been activated. We might be experiencing some deep shame, anger, guilt, fear or grief and maybe our throat closes up or our solar plexus gets super tight. Being in tune with the physical sensations in our bodies and the emotional waves passing through us can give us major clues that something deeper is happening - something that may be traced to an event that took place much earlier in life.
Inner child work offers us the opportunity to start to learn a lot about ourselves and our self-limiting patterns and programs. One of example of this would be how it may not actually be you picking the same type of abusive or unavailable partner over and over again, but actually your inner child. And if it's the conditioning that's doing the picking, how much free will do we really have? Are we actually in charge of our choice making capacity if it's coming from this place? Until we have some awareness of our conditioning, we are actually operating in unconscious auto-pilot mode and this can end up being very detrimental to ourselves and those around us.
So how do we do the work of unwinding all of these energetic imprints? Step one would be to simply learn to name it and identify it when it comes up. In this way, it's actually very similar to learning to work with the inner critic. Lots of "inners" in this work! Once we are able to pinpoint that that is the energy we are working with, then we can actually shift from a more intellectual understanding of it, to actually feeling it. We can actually sense what we were like at that age - perhaps we were playful or filled with imaginative wonder. Or perhaps we were actually very sad and feeling painfully alone. Essentially, this is a part of us never goes away, even when we're 90, and it is one of the most valuable relationships that we can invest in.
Ultimately, what we gain from doing this work is an immeasurable sense of connection to a preciously vulnerable part of ourselves that is waiting for us to return. The inner child is home. It is the quiet song within our hearts and where our sense of belonging comes from. To dig deep and embody the unconditionally loving mother or the father who knows what we need and is committed to being present for us is one of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves. May we all take time to connect with, honor and cherish the little children inside of us, for it is the children who need our greatest protection and embrace.
May you be loved,
May you be safe &
May you know that you are the light of world.